8 Glorious Steps to An Unproductive Morning

What busy lives we lead.

24 hours in a day, what is that? A joke? Some sort of game to see just how crazy we’ll go when we realize we can’t get it all done?

Well, screw that. I’m not up for that way of life. Not anymore.

If you want productivity tips, go somewhere else — You needn’t look far. Here, I’ll even save you the trouble:

8 Tips to Have Wildly Productive Mornings

7 Ways to Maximize Productivity on Your Daily Commute

6 Ways to be Highly Productive at Night

5 Tips to Get a Productive Night’s Sleep

Notice how it looks like they’re all counting down? Well, they are — zero is death from too much ‘doing.’

You don’t want to die, do you? Didn’t think so. It’s time to slow down. It’s time to be unproductive.

Here’s an eight-step plan for making your mornings the least productive part of your day:

1. Turn that damn alarm off. Do not go to sleep with an alarm set for the morning, don’t even sleep with a clock next to you, time has no purpose here.

2. When you wake up, go back to sleep. Chances are, you woke up at your regular waking time anyway, that damn alarm has weaseled its way into your psyche. Put your head back on that pillow, close the eyes, back to sleep.

3. Repeat step 2. Don’t make me say it again.

4. Make breakfast. In your underwear — or whatever it is you slept in — then go back to bed and eat it.

5. Chill out some more. Play some music and read a book, do some writing, or drawing — OK, at least watch Netflix.

6. Finally, look at the time. Drag yourself out of bed, find your phone, if it’s earlier than 11 am then I’m disappointed.

7. Call your boss. Tell them you’ll be late, don’t take any crap from them, this is your damn morning and you’ll damn well enjoy it.

8. Take your time getting there. Relax, walk, take the scenic route and get reacquainted with where you live. Breath deep, think about everything you are grateful for — including this morning — then arrive and work hard.

When you start to incorporate this system into your daily life, you’ll discover that you don’t get more done, that you have less time in the day to do things, and most importantly, that you’ll no longer give a shit.

Constant stress clouds your mind, raises blood pressure, weakens your immune system, and screws with your emotions and sleep patterns. Why on earth would you do that to yourself?

Life is not supposed to be about doing everything, sometimes it’s about doing nothing.

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One Comment

  1. Matt said:

    I enjoyed this immensely!

    March 10, 2015

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